I love the way it makes me feel, says the Vice President

By Libby Van Nutter, TheShortStraw cuisine, fashion and entertainment editor

WASHINGTON, DC ( started off innocently enough. Mary Cheney came home one day only to find her father, Vice President Dick Cheney, trying on one of her thongs.

"At first I was a bit floored," Ms Cheney said, "mainly because, well, dad isn't as lithe as he used to be, and well, he really should have been wearing a bigger size, but then I thought what the hell, dad's keeping up with fashion. It was kinda cute."

Apparently it wasn't the first time the Vice President's been caught in such an act.

Mrs Cheney recalled how once she surprised her husband, only to find him wearing one of her dresses and high heels.

"Honestly, I thought he looked pretty good," Lynne Cheney said. "His legs are fairly short, but they're muscular. You wouldn't think so, but they are. His use of make-up was questionable and the earrings didn't match. Still, he looked pretty sexy for a man."

At first denying the news, the Vice President admitted to ABC's Cokie Roberts that he does indeed enjoy wearing women's clothing.

"Sure, why not?" the Vice President said. "It just feels nice. Soft and sexy. I mean, heck, you know what I mean, Cokie."

Cokie admitted that she knew exactly what the Vice President meant.

As if that weren't enough, seemingly relieved to let all out of the bag, the Vice President then dropped another bomb. He further admitted that during visits of Heads of State, he wears no underwear at all.

"I just kind of like to see if they know. I remember for instance sitting with Tony (Blair) one time and he was telling me about some new policy I didn't really understand, and I was thinking, yeah, baby, sure, blah, blah, blah, but have you any idea I'm wearing no underwear? And he sat there and he had no idea. Man, that just really titillates me."

In response, Tony Blair, recalling the moment, said: "I had a feeling something was amiss with the good fellow, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Firstly, he didn't seem to be listening to a word I said, and then, just this impish grin on his face, I thought that either he had passed some gas and was waiting for my response, or that he'd been drinking. Honestly, it was rather unnerving."

Not in the least put off by the outcry, the Vice President said he would by no means discontinue the practice.

"First of all, I'm not the only one in this administration that wears thongs, no underwear or women's clothing," he admitted, winking mischievously. "It just lightens the atmosphere, you know? The White House can be so stuffy sometimes. And why should politics be so darn serious all the time? In my view--and, believe me, I'm not alone in this administration who thinks like this--politics should be more, I don't know, just more sexy I guess."

Copyright © 2004, TheShortStraw


TheShortStraw is intended for use by those age 18 and older. All stories are fictional and satirical and should not in any way be construed as fact. All contents Copyright © 2004, TheShortStraw. All rights reserved.

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