"SHREK FAHRENHEIT 2" CALLED "OUTRAGEOUSLY FALSE" BY BUSH SPOKESMAN
One question too many lands TheShortStraw reporter in
by Hush LaCroix,
TheShortStraw White House correspondent
FAR, FAR, FAR, REALLY REALLY FARAWAY SWAMP, FARAWAY LAND (TheShortStraw.com)--A
news conference turned nasty when Bush spokesman Dan Bartlett told the
White House press corps that the movie Shrek Fahrenheit 2 was "outrageously
false" -- although he hadn't seen it.
When advised he referred to two movies--Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11
and Schrek 2--Bartlett appeared startled.
"What do you mean, two movies? How can one movie be two?" Bartlett said.
"It's a documentary about some ogre--which isn't possible, because ogres
don't exist--and a donkey. And the insinuations are obvious. Everyone
knows that Shrek is supposed to be the President--he's been crying about
it for days, shame on you--the donkey is the Vice President--he's tough
so he's been unaffected by it, luckily--and Powell is Princess Fiona--which
I find a very low blow."
Bartlett rolled his eyes, exasperated, when told again of his reference
to two movies, not one: Shrek 2, a sequel; and Fahrenheit 9/11.
After a few silent minutes, he said: "You trying to make a fool out of
me? What do you know about movies anyway? Acting all high and mighty.
You're talking crap. I mean, how can Shrek 2 be a sequel? Sequel to what,
Godfather? Star Wars? Gimme a break. And the other one?
What did you call it? Fahrenheit 9/11? You saying there's been 8 Fahrenheit
movies, and this one is parts 9 through 11? Yeah, right, that makes a
lot of sense--you guys really think everyone in this administration is
Unabated, another reporter once again patiently attempted to set Mr Bartlett
"Oh, ok, I get it, " Bartlett finally said, annoyed. "You mean, they are
two different movies. Why didn't you say so in the first place? Fahrenheit
is some Disney animation, and Shrek 2 is a documentary. I'm still not
convinced, but, anyway, so what? What does that prove? Nothing. They're
still outrageously false. Two movies, three movies, one movie, who gives
a damn. Movies are like books: you don't need to read a book to know what
it's about, and the same goes for movies. I mean, heck, I got through
college without ever opening a textbook. I won't dignify this movie-these
two movies-uh, whatever…"
Asked why the President was upset about being compared to a lovable ogre,
Bartlett flew into a rage.
"I told you already--if ogres don't exist how can you have a documentary
about them?! It's like making a documentary about the fairy godmother,
press corps, however, would not relent. When informed Shrek 2 was an animation
about an ogre, Bartlett threw a glass of water and stormed out, causing
cuts to the right cheek of TheShortStraw White House correspondent
who had been sleeping off a hangover.
After the glass-throwing incident there were no more questions.
Finally, donkey, Shrek's official spokesman, said that Shrek was alarmed
and unpleasantly surprised to hear of any perceived similarities between
himself and the President, and that, "any resemblance to that fictional
character is regrettable and purely coincidental."
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