DR. PHIL ADMITS TO HAVING BEEN A WOMAN
I just want put an end to all the…rumors, Dr. Phil says
CHICAGO, ILL (TheShortStraw.com)-The cat's out of the bag. After months
of rumors, Dr. Phil at last tearfully admitted on his show yesterday to
having been a woman.
The show, about dyke builders in the Netherlands, took an abrupt turn
when Dr Phil suddenly started crying.
At first, the audience thought Dr. Phil was crying along with Kaatje Brinkerhoff
when she described the trying life of a dyke builder.
then, wiping away the tears, handkerchief in hand, Dr. Phil stood up and
said: "I just want to say, it's been a trying year for me and my family,
and I…want to put an end to all the…rumors, which, in fact, aren't rumors
at all. I…I…can't live with the secret anymore. It's eating me up. Yes-dammit--I
was once a woman. And I'm proud of it."
The announcement was unexpected; pandemonium ensued. Gasps were heard
throughout the mostly female audience and several passed out.
Paramedics could be heard rushing about, barking out instructions.
As if that were not enough excitement, Ms. Brinkerhoff punched Dr. Phil
on the back of the head and stormed out, screaming, "I've been humiliated.
The show was supposed to be about me! I am the dyke builder-not him!"
Getting back up, Dr. Phil tried to laugh it off, rolling his eyes, and
saying, "Women. I should know."
Oprah, who had brought Dr. Phil fame and fortune, later freely revealed
how, in fact, she had discovered him.
"It was in a strip club. Dr. Phil--or Dr. Phillipa as he was known then--was
doing a lap dance on a friend of mine when the chair broke and her blonde
wig fell off revealing a head as bald as a baby's bottom. I thought, wow,
and I thought I had troubles. We became close. I helped Phillipa--Phil--through
the operation and as a man he was, understandably, so in touch with how
women think, that I thought, why not bring him on my show? Did I think
he'd become so popular? Of course not, but I am so proud of her--I mean,
Oprah then added: "Oh, and before any rumors start about me...no comment."
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