South African PA finds key to job satisfaction

MIDRAND, SOUTH AFRICA ( Bas----*, a PA to the chairman of a South African company has found the key to job satisfaction any secretary and PA--and indeed many corporate employees--worldwide may envy and emulate.

Suffering from boredom and frustration for years, Bas---- one day decided to try smoking a little hashish.

"It was given to me by a co-worker that sits across from me and has an unlimited supply," Bas---- admits cheerfully. "I won't mention any names, but her initials are LL."

Since then, she says, work has been nothing but a pleasure.

"Dude, I wake up, smoke a little Afghani hashish, and whew, I just can't wait to get to work. For the rest of the day, nothing gets me down. Corporate blues? Never heard of it. Everyday's a treat. I just love my job," says Bas----. "I used to smoke Lebanese hashish, which was okay, but then switched to the Afghani stuff--much more potent."

In the past, Bas---- suffered from severe frustration.

That was partly because her German boss has, in her view, "gone native."

"He's on African time, arriving every day at 11:30. It's so bad he was 8 hours late for a course on time management--I'm not joking. A German on African time--I mean, have you ever heard of such a thing?" Bas---- says.

As if that were not enough, from her prime seat observing the passage outside her boss' office, she was often exposed, according to her, to WWF-like antics of ranting, screaming and nearly physical altercations between employees.

"We're talking the Rock versus the Undertaker--and I won't say who we refer to as the Undertaker in our company," Bas---- ads, winking. "But it ain't the tea lady."

Unbeknownst to many, however, often she was the main instigator.

"It passed the time," she muses. "Since I've been smoking hashish, though, I don't have to resort to such measures anymore."

Bas----'s meteoric rise has not been without some suspicion, however.

Coming out of government service, she landed her present job when an anonymous, threatening reference letter arrived on the HR director's desk, along with a substantial transfer of money into the company's coffers.

An investigation by TheShortStraw tracked down both--the letter and the money--to the notorious Shaik family of Durban, currently on trial for bribing the South African Vice President, Jacob Zuma.

Kneading another hit, filling her pipe and lighting up, Bas---- denies all such charges.

"Mere speculation," she says while puffing. "There's a lot of envious people out there. You know what it's like. People say all sorts of things. Like making fun of the years of rehearsing what I have coined 'the happy tone™.' It (the happy tone™) is something I use on the phone, which makes it impossible to detect, for example, the time of the month to the untrained ear."

Taking another puff, Bas---- ads: "But none of that gets to me anyway. Man, I'm just flying. I think all PAs just need a little hash, and everything's a-okay."

* to maintain relative anonymity, full name not used

Copyright © 2004, TheShortStraw


TheShortStraw is intended for use by those age 18 and older. All stories are fictional and satirical and should not in any way be construed as fact. All contents Copyright © 2004, TheShortStraw. All rights reserved.

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