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BIBLE CODE PREDICTS DA VINCI CODE; DA VINCI CODE PREDICTS HYDRAULIC TOASTER
Historical discrepancies cause widespread concern

VINCI, ITALY (TheShortStraw.com)--Dan Brown, the author of the recent bestseller, the Da Vinci Code, finds himself in the middle of a media obsession and a brewing controversy.

He's not alone. So does Michael Drosnin, the author of the Bible Code, published in 1997.

That's because although Drosnin's the Bible Code had predicted the Da Vinci Code, it had predicted neither Da Vinci nor Brown. In fact, Drosnin had said at the time that the Da Vinci Code would be written by a Joseph Truworthy, a hobo from Boston later run over by a bus.

Nonetheless, Drosnin, a former journalist, said: "I feel vindicated to a great extent."

Brown, however, isn't so lucky. His claims, such as that Jesus had a love child with Mary Magdalene's cousin Trudy, a spinster, and that the Holy Grail was nothing more than the name of Jesus' pet poodle, have come under scrutiny by scholars.

Alessandro Vezzosi, a director of the Leonardo Da Vinci museum as well as the owner of a local sausage factory, said that the claims were absurd.

"Look, I can’t speak for long--I’m watching AC Milan play Manchester United. But let me tell you, anyone who's seen historical reproductions of Trudy knows that Brown’s either a tippler or a buffoon or both," said Vezzosi by telephone. "Trudy had the unfortunate disposition of some Mediterranean women. She was short, forty kilos overweight, had a moustache, legs like a Portuguese butcher, and most importantly, a bad case of flatulence when confronted by boorish proselytizers. And as we know, Jesus’ idea of a joke was to dress up as Pontius Pilate on Halloween--well that was a mistake, wasn't it? I think you’re getting the drift though—it was impossible for them to have gotten it on, so to speak. No, my friend, Jesus may have sired many a tyke in the neighborhood, but not with Trudy. By the way, what any of this soap opera nonsense has to do with Da Vinci himself is anyone’s guess. Just a minute…Seedorf shoots! Crespo flicks it in! Gooooooooooooooool!” Click.

The controversy for Brown and Drosnin, presently working on a book called the Pasta Code: The Life and Times of Marco Polo, doesn't end there.

To his credit, Brown admits to errors.

"Da Vinci, according to my novel, predicted the toaster, but not toast, nor electricity," Brown says. "Hey, no one's perfect. Leonardo miscalculated. In addition, he thought hydraulic energy would run everything, from toasters to vibrators, another marvel of science to his credit. As to what he thought we'd toast, that's anyone's guess--if indeed bread, it'd be soggy as hell. Still, it's a neat concept, only misplaced."

Finally, Brown says he may collaborate with Drosnin and build a four-story replica of a vibrator based on Da Vinci's elaborate drawings.

"The only testicle...uh, excuse me, obstacle, is that I just don't know where we're gonna find the batteries," admitted Drosnin.

Copyright 2005, TheShortStraw

 

 



TheShortStraw is intended for use by those age 18 and older. All stories are fictional and satirical and should not in any way be construed as fact. All contents Copyright 2004-2005, TheShortStraw. All rights reserved.

 

 

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