“Gesundheit Institute is our role model,” says RNC Chairman Ed Gillespie

ARLINGTON, VA (—Citing the Gesundheit Institute as their model, the Bush Administration admitted the sole goal of their policies is to make the world laugh.

The Gesundhuit Institute is the brainchild of Dr Patch Adams, who believes joy is more important than drugs, and as such can cure most ailments. Dr Adams will do anything to promote his theories, including dressing up as a 19th century snake oil salesman on stage. It was just at such a show that Republican National Committee Chairman Ed Gillespie was smitten with the concept.

“It was then that I realized what was wrong with the world, there’s just not enough joy out there,” Gillespie said.

He then brought President Bush to the show—who also became a convert—followed by the entire administration upon urging by the President.

“We just loved it,” gushed Vice President Dick Cheney.

Gillespie explained: “I mean, you guys didn’t really think we want to tax the poor, destroy the environment, start useless wars for no reason at all, did you? Don’t be silly. It was all meant to be absurd. It was meant to be funny, that’s all, and I think we really achieved that to a great extent.”

When pointed out that some Iraqis—amongst others--weren’t laughing, Gillespie blamed sense of humor failure. “Some people just don’t get it,” he said.

Asked if there were other groups of people who still didn’t get it, he said, chuckling, “For some reason poor people have a horrible sense of humor. Just horrible. Luckily, they don’t vote. Oh, and parts of Germany.”

In response, German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder said: “Well, that certainly clears up a few mysteries--about Bush, poor people, and parts of Germany.”

The spokesman for poor people could not be reached.

As for Dr Adams, he said he was flattered at first before realizing the full implication of the news.

Since then, he's admitted to suffering from bouts of depression along with many of his followers, excluding the Bush administration.

Dr Adams said he now regularly breaks down and cries during his shows whenever he thinks of what the Bush administration has done in the name of his philosophy.

“They seem to have misunderstood my teachings,” he said.

In response, Vice President Cheney said: “Look, Dr Adams is a great guy. But it's just that we've had to implement his teachings and, you know, it's not that simple. What we've found is that joy is relative. For some it may be thousands of shares in Halliburton; for others, uh, I don't know, say, imagining having sex with a canary; and for others still, it might be having bombs drop on them out of the sky. See what I mean?"

Copyright © 2004, TheShortStraw


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