I just want put an end to all the…rumors, Dr. Phil says CHICAGO, ILL (TheShortStraw.com)-The cat’s out of the bag. After months of rumors, Dr. Phil at last tearfully admitted on his show yesterday to having been a woman. The show, about dyke builders in the Netherlands, took an abrupt turn when Dr Phil suddenly…

TheShortStraw editor-in-chief, Jack Zippididoodaa,* calls it a “dark day” for journalism SANTA FE, NM (TheShortStraw.com)-First the Washington Post, then the New York Times, most recently USA Today. Now TheShortStraw. Where will it end? Brian Heldegund, the recently retired prize winning writer for TheShortStraw, after months of speculation finally admitted to having fabricated most of his…

Historical discrepancies cause widespread concern VINCI, ITALY (TheShortStraw.com)–Dan Brown, the author of the recent bestseller, the Da Vinci Code, finds himself in the middle of a media obsession and a brewing controversy. He’s not alone. So does Michael Drosnin, the author of the Bible Code, published in 1997. That’s because although Drosnin’s the Bible Code…

Bill to be signed immediately by President Bush WASHINGTON, DC (TheShortStraw.com)-Citing an epidemic on its hands, the Congress passed a bill limiting one tattoo and one piercing per person with immediate effect. In addition, tattoos will be standardized and approved beforehand by a group of religious leaders. Piercings will be visible on morally acceptable body…

I love the way it makes me feel, says the Vice President By Libby Van Nutter, TheShortStraw cuisine, fashion and entertainment editor WASHINGTON, DC (TheShortStraw.com)–It started off innocently enough. Mary Cheney came home one day only to find her father, Vice President Dick Cheney, trying on one of her thongs. “At first I was a…

Nannies seen as real parents NEW YORK, NY. (TheShortStraw.com)– Mayor Michael Bloomberg has admitted that the children of wealthy New Yorkers speak little or no English. He added that the finding comes as no surprise. Every day, in the parks of New York City, the nannies congregate, babies and children of their employers in tow.…

Call me Jesus W.– the President WASHINGTON, DC (TheShortStraw.com)–In a most extraordinary development, on Meet the Press last Sunday, President Bush explained further his claim of being the Second Coming of Christ. The following is taken from an actual interview with the President: NBC, “Meet the Press,” Transcript for December 5, 2004. MR. TIM RUSSERT:…

South African PA finds key to job satisfaction MIDRAND, SOUTH AFRICA (TheShortStraw.com)–Tertia Bas—-*, a PA to the chairman of a South African company has found the key to job satisfaction any secretary and PA–and indeed many corporate employees–worldwide may envy and emulate. Suffering from boredom and frustration for years, Bas—- one day decided to try…

We just want a little attention, admits Nauruan President Nauru, South Pacific Ocean (TheShortStraw.com)-Hoping for recognition and acknowledgement, Nauru, an island near the Marshall Islands in the South Pacific Ocean, and the world’s third smallest country-after the Vatican and Monaco–declared war on the US in June 2003. “Since then, not a whimper,” admitted a dejected…

“It was the right thing to do,” says former Australian Prime Minister John Howard CANBERRA, AUSTRALIA (TheShortStraw.com)-In a move unprecedented in history, the governments of Australia and New Zealand handed power back to their indigenous populations yesterday. Said Helen Clark, New Zealand’s former Prime Minister: “We sort of figured we should be pre-emptive and not…