One question too many lands TheShortStraw reporter in hospital by Hush LaCroix, TheShortStraw White House correspondent FAR, FAR, FAR, REALLY REALLY FARAWAY SWAMP, FARAWAY LAND –A news conference turned nasty when Bush spokesman Dan Bartlett told the White House press corps that the movie Shrek Fahrenheit 2 was “outrageously false” — although he hadn’t seen…

Whiff of a moustache enough to merit a declaration of war by Ed Strosser, TheShortStraw Brooklyn Correspondent WASHINGTON, DC (TheShortStraw.com)– US State Department papers recently accessed through the Freedom of Information Act reveal that the deciding criteria for invasion of foreign countries since 1917 has been facial hair or unusual hairstyles of the dictator. In…

Schwarzenegger unveils controversial changes SACRAMENTO, CA (TheShortStraw.com)–In a stroke of genius or a bolt of idiocy–depending on which side of the divide one rests–Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger declared the State of California a golfing estate. “With the popularity of golfing estates rising worldwide, we thought, why not make the entire state a golfing estate?” said a…

Arts editor, hit by vicious spitball, recovering in hospital By Hansen Pockets, TheShortStraw crime correspondent and doughnut boy DALLAS, TX (TheShortStraw.com)–Finally back after a several-week hiatus, the editors of TheShortStraw revealed a sinister plot to silence them. Brian Heldegund, the editor-in-chief, hiding at an undisclosed location at 253 Sycamore St in Dallas, said by telephone…

Female and male fans waiting with anticipation LOS ANGELES, CA (TheShortStraw.com)-With his new album ‘It’s warm in here‘ hardly in the stores, Ricky Martin, the popular heartthrob and singer, has admitted he remains uncertain whether to come out of the closet. Statements issued by celebrities, including the recently famous Dr Munk, only confuse the issue.…

Happy new year, now give me some truth, says Heldegund NOUAKCHOTT, MAURITANIA (TheShortStraw.com)–Dear loyal readers of TheShortStraw: I know I speak for many of you when I say it has been a tumultuous year, to say the least. Our staff and I thank you for your continued support. Need I mention, however, that were many…

Kerry complains of unfair criteria ST. LOUIS, MO (TheShortStraw.com)-Most political analysts declared a statistical tie in last night’s tightly contested presidential debate, but President Bush the psychological “winner.” That was because, for the first time in more than four years, the President uttered a few sentences that nearly made sense and, even more surprisingly, had…

It’s good to be me,” perfect man says by Jamie B. Hannah, TheShortStraw gossip editor and film director extraordinaire JOHANNESBURG, SA (TheShortStraw.com)-Olivier Terra, an export manager at a South African pulp and paper company, has been identified by Men’s Health magazine as the world’s perfect man. Completely unsurprised by the news, Terra said, “My only…

“Gesundheit Institute is our role model,” says RNC Chairman Ed Gillespie ARLINGTON, VA (TheShortStraw.com)—Citing the Gesundheit Institute as their model, the Bush Administration admitted the sole goal of their policies is to make the world laugh. The Gesundhuit Institute is the brainchild of Dr Patch Adams, who believes joy is more important than drugs, and…

“Mel, please stick to Scottish themes,” Christ pleads VATICAN CITY, THE VATICAN (TheShortStraw.com)–Brian Heldegund, our Vatican correspondent, discovered that a direct phone line existed between the Pope and Jesus Christ. Before this discovery, with the Pope hardly mobile, in his spare time Heldegund investigated the Mafia. A week before the interview date, Heldegund disappeared in…