Penalty missed on purpose, English Captain confesses Lisbon, Portugal (TheShortstraw.com)- David Beckham, the English captain, has admitted what many an English fan already suspected: during the France-England match Sunday night he missed the penalty kick on purpose. Reason being? He has a love affair for all things French, and specifically a tender spot for the…

By Spangled Hitaku, TheShortStraw NFL Correspondent Washington, DC (TheShortStraw.com)—President Trump finally explained his irrational anger at black players who have taken a knee during renditions of the Star-Spangled Banner during NFL games. And it has nothing to do with the military or the flag or patriotism. “I don’t know the words,” President Trump admitted. “I…

Leader of Democratic Party resigns in protest By Dintwe Jonathan Brooks, TheShortStraw Africa; some parts of Asia; no parts of Europe at all, not even–lucky for him–Albania correspondent PRETORIA, SOUTH AFRICA (TheShortStraw.com)-Continuing the transformation from apartheid to democracy and simultaneously righting the wrongs of yesterday, the South African Parliament passed yesterday the Honkey Name Act.…

Medical potential may surpass cancer and diarrhoea SEATTLE, WA (TheShortStraw.com)-After years of research, Doctor Andres Munk of Seattle, Washington, announced the cure for dingleberries, known medically as rectus hangersonus. Dingleberries are little balls of paper and other mysterious matter that attach themselves to the hairs between buttocks. They afflict daily millions of men and a few…

It’s something I’ve wanted to do for some time, Buffet admits OMAHA, NE. (TheShortStraw.com)-Warren Buffet, chairman and chief executive of Berkshire Hathaway Inc, and often referred to as one of the greatest stock market investors ever, closed his company and gave away all its assets, worth well over $120 billion, to charity. Initially a fund,…