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His identity revealed, Mr Blanc continues to insist $139.5 million pay warranted NEW YORK, NY (TheShortStraw.com)-Adding insult to injury, Richard Grasso, the former Chairman of the New York Stock Exchange finally admitted to being French actor Michel Blanc. Mr Blanc had gone missing in Normandy at the same time Mr Grasso became the NYSE Chairman.…

Switching ten couples for a month, study confirms what many rich already know: the poor complain for no reason at all CHARLESTON, WEST VIRGINIA. (TheShortStraw.com)-The Yale Department of Psychology in a study to be published later this month in American Psychology, has found what many wealthy have long suspected: being poor isn’t so bad. Dr…

Washington, DC (TheShortStraw.com)—In an interview on Fox and Friends, President Trump let loose on a wide range of topics from banana republics to Stormy Daniels to Mike Pompeo. As Chief Executive, Trump admitted that his one goal is to do what any Chief Executive of any corporation does: enrich himself and the shareholders, in this…

“Gesundheit Institute is our role model,” says RNC Chairman Ed Gillespie ARLINGTON, VA (TheShortStraw.com)—Citing the Gesundheit Institute as their model, the Bush Administration admitted the sole goal of their policies is to make the world laugh. The Gesundhuit Institute is the brainchild of Dr Patch Adams, who believes joy is more important than drugs, and…

Public relations disaster affects tourism, admits British Foreign Secretary LONDON (TheShortStraw.com)—The five British nationals set to be freed by the United States from the Guantanamo Bay detention camp in Cuba have stated unequivocally that they have absolutely no desire to return to Britain. Two of the prisoners, Rhuhel Ahmed, 23, and Asif Iqbal, 20, both…

“For heaven’s sake,” pleads Heldegund, “don’t blame the Mafia” MESSINA, SICILY (TheShortStraw.com)—After an intensive search by the Italian authorities, Brian Heldegund, the award-winning correspondent for TheShortStraw was found on a bus depot bench, covered in urine and faeces, neither his own, with bruises on face and body, three missing teeth, cracked ribs, a missing pinkie,…

Aides scurrying to find alibis WASHINGTON, DC. (TheShortStraw.com)—When Spot, the Presidential spaniel, was found dead in the Oval Office, fond memories of the canine were recounted. However, after the coroner’s report, ruling out suicide, found traces of arsenic, the sadness quickly turned to anger and indignation. A tearful Laura Bush said: “Why would anyone do…

Court decides primaries and election waste of time and money WASHINGTON, DC. (TheShortStraw.com)—In UNITED STATES VS EVERYBODY, the Supreme Court in one fell swoop halted the Democratic Primaries, making John Kerry the Democratic candidate, only to declare George W. Bush re-elected to a second term. “I didn’t know what was happening. I was elated to…

Washington, DC (TheShortStraw.com)—Mamoudou Gassama, an illegal immigrant from Mali, didn’t look particularly pleased, sitting across from the French President, Emmanuel Macron, at the Elysee Palace. After climbing four stories to save a small child clinging to the ledge of a balcony a day earlier, now he was being told by the French President that his…

I can satisfy any woman in any way–a common boast TRIESTE, ITALY (TheShortStraw.com)-A poll of Italian men by the Il Piccolo newspaper has shown what many Italian men already knew: they are far and away the world’s best lovers. Sitting around a bar at the Starhotel Savoia Excelsior in Trieste, TheShortStraw interviewed a random sample…